Tsar Laughed Too: Pings of Misery

Damn you Blizzard (I’m not exaggerating about the local weather though there have been a few chilly mornings, afternoons and evenings). I’m talkin bout the corporate behemoth which unleashed the super-sweet RTS PC game StarCraft 2 … AFTER the mid-year break.

Devious bastards

I understand what they’re doing: Blizzard is waging an intellectual war to cripple university standards across the Blizzard-afflicted nation-states. I say ‘university standards’, perhaps I should be saying ‘student standards’ but do students have standards to begin with?

Spawn more lecture slides

The StarCraft 2 box is mighty fine. Run your fingers across the glossy and embossed cover without looking like a freak. If you gently tear the space-age Velcro the front will open like a comic book. And then do it again. There are lots of pretty in-game units and stat-a-licious trivia to keep you occupied on that long commute home. Inside the boring cardboard there’s the manual, the disc and a groovy notepad watermarked with Jim Raynor’s mug shot on a ‘wanted poster’. Our likeable Terran hero is wanted for mass murder, terrorism, sabotage, rebellion blah blah blah (note: blah blah blah is most heinous) and there’s a reward for $500,000, dead or alive. And if you’re still reading then your reward could be taking one of my four guest passes that were crammed in the box (two for WoW, two for StarCraft 2). Seriously, if you would like to sample Blizzard’s goods then harass me because they’re just taking up space in this here box. They’re shiny too.

We require more sleep

I’m ultra-annoyed with the Diamondback mission where you’re supposed to railgun trains off their … tracks (yeah, the game referenced the obvious pun). I should restart the mission because in my current save I own four diamondbacks and a bunch of marines but the enemy has set up bunkers along the railway lines and there is an annoying entourage of grenade-lobbing weirdos running laps around the map so when I attempt to derail the next hovering train (yeah, think about it) I lose my assault team. I’m gettin sick of these unit-specific missions; it reminds me of C&C 4, but thankfully not as painful.

The coversheet is under a tack

So far I’ve only played multiplayer online twice. One of those games I actually won. I teched up to battlecruisers, upgraded for those blast-tastic Yamato guns and ‘dismantled’ several Protoss bases. My opponent said his ‘gg’ and left before I obliterated his remaining structures. Pew pew pew pew pew.  And yes I was playing in the noob league thingy-ma-jiggy so I probably sent a child to bed crying. Good (makes up for the toddler who pwned my congregation of marines and SCVs before).

Rage quit

And at the end of the day isn’t that the important thing, making children cry? Well I’m off to bed (muhahaha, take that Blizzard I rage quit) to read my reader and to add to my knowledgement so that I can squabble with the other kiddies in grown-up kindergarten on Monday.


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