Destroy all Umbrellas

Do umbrellas piss you off? The umbrella itself doesn’t frustrate me, however, it’s the people who wave them around as though they’ve been entrusted with a holy relic that is imbued with the soul of a bloodthirsty deity. These Umbrellites must appease the heavens by swinging their umbrellas to ward off flame-spitting imps and ice-armoured harpies. All before 9am.

This Umbrellite is doing it wrong
This Umbrellite is doing it wrong

Rain-fearing douches who shield their precious heads compromise their visibility as well as their fucking spatial awareness. Next time it rains I urge all city walkers to wear protective gear. A helmet is manadatory. Sharp umbrella edges and wire spokes can gouge skin and bypass hair strands to poke sensitive skin. Glasses are also essential if you like to see things. A hazmat suit is only necessary if you intend to spray offenders with fear-inducing toxins.

Eliminate all umbrellas with extreme prejudice.


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